If you think being single is hard enough, try being the only single girl among friends. It's a nightmare. Especially if they all think that your state is considered abnormal and they want to play the helpful friend part and pull you out of your misery by pointing out to each new guy who arrives that you are single, or worse, try to set you up with someone. I consider it one of my most humiliating moments when I am introduced to some guy as, "she's single!" Yes, more embarrasing than when I fell into a compost pit while playing dodge ball or when I slipped off the sidewalk and landed on my face. Whenever it happens, I feel as though, in the guy's eyes, I am this poor desperate girl who is dying to get hooked up with anybody ASAP, when in reality, the exact opposite is true!
I don't know how many times I have stressed that I am happy and content being single, but does anybody listen? No. Why, is that so impossible to believe? The problem with our culture is that everyone has been brainwashed into thinking that being with someone is the "in" thing and if you are single, you must be ugly and unwanted and downright pathetic. Lots of people jump into relationships with anyone even though they are not really in love, just so that they can have a status symbol to show to the world. Well I've never been into trends, and I'm certainly not joining the bandwagon for this one. No, I'm not generalizing, because of course I can see that there also are relationships founded on true love. I guess that's just it -- I'm not in a relationship because I haven't found someone to love yet. Yes, I still believe in love and I do still want to feel it again someday, but I also believe in destiny and that what's meant for me will come to be, and that the best things in life are worth waiting for.
I also believe that there are perks to being single. Do you honestly think I would have remained in this "abnormal state" for four years if not so?
First up -- independence. If anyone asks what trait I am most proud of, I'd say it's my independence. I can eat at a restaurant, go shopping, hit the gym, walk in the park at 2am, and even find a far-flung place I've never been to before on my own. I do it not because I don't have any friends who are willing to go with me, but because it's actually refreshing to do certain things alone. So I was Miss Independent and damn proud of it until...I fell in love. When I had a boyfriend, it was as though I lost my ability to do things on my own. Suddenly I needed him to help me with everything, to go with me everywhere. One of my friends once said, before she had a boyfriend, she could always go home alone, but now she is scared to do so without him. Make weaklings out of us, will you?
Second -- an identity. When we are in a relationship, the community no longer sees us as our individual selves, but as part of a couple. Since we are together all the time, we sort of lose our identities in the process. On the conscious level, we change some of our ways in order to please our partner. There are so many girls out there who change their clothing style because of their jealous boyfriends. Unconsciously, we start copying some of our partner's mannerisms. It's common for some couples to start looking like each other after awhile. I don't think it's their looks, but their actions.
Third -- time for our friends and growth in other aspects. In couplehood, we may lose not just identities, but friends and growth too. In one of my College orgs, SALT, we had the love rule. It states that if two members in the org became a couple, one of them would have to leave. Our moderator explained that this was because he had seen plenty of couples who were stuck together all of the time that they had their own world and closed off everyone else and stopped growing. So a girl would turn down a chance for a career in a big firm because it's far away from her boyfriend and the guy would stop hanging out with his buddies so he can tail his girl instead. Then one day they break up, and they realize that they have no life anymore, because they have stunted their growth and cut off the rest of the world. Looking back, I am glad that I was single when the opportunity to come here presented itself, because if I hadn't been, I have a sneaking suspicion that I would be stuck back home until now.
Fourth -- peace of mind. When I'm on an outing or event, I am perfectly content. But what if I had a boyfriend, do you think I'd be? No. I would miss him and wish he were with me, and I'd spend the better part of the activity checking my cellphone and willing it to beep or ring. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything, and he'd always be at the back of my mind no matter what I'd be doing. I'd love corny songs and corny lines and write corny blogs. In fact, when I reread some of the things I wrote back then, I can't help but make a face. Yuck. I was that corny? There's a saying that goes, "people do crazy things when they're in love." I so agree. And I definitely don't wanna redo some of the crazy things I did back when I was still under love's hypnotic spell.
Fifth -- more for self. When I fall in love, I stop thinking about myself. Instead, I focus all my energies on how to make him happy. I imagine all my freebies slashed in half, many of what I possess now to still be in the stores. If I had a boyfriend this would be the scenario everytime I went shopping..."Cute blouse! But hey, there's a cd of superman, he'd love that for sure. Ok, I'll buy this instead, I don't need that blouse anyway." Yes, he would always come first. But now, since there's no he, everything is for me. Yey!
I know that being in love has its own perks, but even the most crazily in love people I know do complain of its downside too. So I think my points are valid. Please don't think I'm sour-graping. I am single and loving it. Really! So please stop introducing me as "she's single!" to all the new guys and please please don't set me up on a date.
*the author is ranting and raving again because last night, she was set up on a date and this noontime, her non-single girlfriends had the nerve to suggest that she should start changing herself so she could snag a boyfriend. que horror! the author is all about being herself and would rather be single forever than exert effort to be something she's not.
